When you’re talking about God, it can be a difficult concept to grasp.
Think about it. Whether it’s my God…or your God…or someone else’s God, whichever you want to picture, it’s gotta be TOUGH TO BE GOD!
All right, for a moment, picture yourself as God! (For Martha Stewart, Ryan Seacrest, and Donald Rumsfeld: this suggestion may be redundant.)
Again, picture yourself AS God:
Wow, just listen to all those souls constantly calling for help. And all those holidays keep coming and coming…your voicemail is always chock full…. And always, always having to do the right thing…Is Armageddon this millennium, or the next one…The Devil’s relentless shenanigans…knocks at the bedroom door, just as you were finally falling asleep, at last…flood here, drought there…heal this one, save that one, do nothing for that one! Gee, that’s a LOT OF PRESSURE building upon you!
So, what does God do to have fun and relax? Since Albert Einstein made his famous crack, God can’t even slip into Las Vegas and play dice anymore!
(You see, not everything that happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.)
It’s my belief God visits Earth to work on His own stand-up comedy act.
Of course, God headlines for St. Peter’s Comedy Club at The Pearly Gates.
It’s His home stage, but it’s real tough to get a good read on material there. So, to test His newest stuff, God descends to Earth, and works as the feature (middle) act, or, Himself forbid, also as a Master of Ceremonies/ Opener.
God knows the modern format for a three act stand-up show is: MC/ Opening Act doing fifteen minutes, the Middle Act performs for thirty minutes, and the Headliner stays on fifty to fifty-five minutes. He knows this, God and Mitzi Shore first invented said format for The Comedy Store in LaJolla. God never goes over his time; besides, if God wanted to, He could do an hour, and make it seem like thirty minutes to the audience. After all, He is the omniscient one!
God can get stage time ALMOST anywhere he wants. (But, in L.A. The
Laugh Factory, and Improv still operate on the old “It’s WHO you KNOW” system, and these days, they don’t really seem know Him anymore.)
God instead, prefers the independent clubs with sole proprietors. The stinkin’ one-nighter chains like The Comedy Zones, well; He wouldn’t be caught dead in those sink holes. For His stand-up workouts, God AVOIDS both coasts, concentrating on The Mid-West and The South. Never in Miami for some reason. (Mostly because He knows that’s where the really big laughs are.)
God usually appears amongst us as characters that are just talented enough to make us laugh, but other than that, not quite striking enough to be distinctly memorable. You laughed last night, but right now, you can’t picture the face, That’s the beauty of His plans! But, His guys do still sell T-shirts. Go figure.
It’s a well-known fact that God always does a whole lot of observational stuff. He rarely resorts to the old “Where’re you from” bit…Jimmy Brogan is still King of “ playing the crowd.” ANYWHO, God knows where you’re from.
You would think more people would recall God’s act, because He usually does so well. I think God frequently does rap parodies, because He knows if He does rap parodies, Nobody, Anywhere, will ever remember any comic doing rap! Once again, remarkably, that’s the depth and beauty of His plans for us.
Once, back in the eighties, they tried to book God as the rookie feature act in Birmingham, Alabama with Carrot Top! During a sudden holiday blizzard, the entire club (with all of Carrot Top’s props) burned to the ground!
JUST WHO SAYS: “ GOD IS NOT FUNNY? ”
So, one evening, after you leave your local comedy club, if you just happen to have this really great feeling, and are extra happy for no reason, and you can’t figure out why…Maybe, just maybe, you had been blessed, and you got to see God try out His newest jokes! ALL God’s chilluns’ need to keep laughing!